Scroll all the way down for the original post I put up yesterday afternoon and the video of my coach speaking about strength and self-care.
Friday morning addendum:
Yesterday was a long day. I woke up this morning ready for a new start, and I set out for a long run as I usually do on Fridays at 5 AM. Ordinarily, a zombie apocalypse would fail to prevent me from running as planned, but today, after 18 minutes, I quit. I didn’t even turn around and run home; I just stopped and walked. I didn’t hurt anywhere; it was more that I felt nothing. No joy, nothing spurring me onward. I would never have made it two hours and I knew it. Midmorning, after lingering much longer at day-care drop-off than I ordinarily do, I am leaning hard into the bitter taste of coffee and going through my day in the steady rain that is falling outside with no umbrella and no jacket. It feels like my sensory complex is suspended somewhere and I have no desire to try and get it back.
I am not a survivor of sexual assault. I am lucky. I have, however, walked through a world where women always entertain at least a low level of fear about male rage. And where many women have been physically and emotionally scarred by this rage, and have in many cases blamed themselves for it. I share MK’s video because I know that so many women have heard her speak about her assault and felt empowered to share with her the details of their own, sometimes for the first time ever. She carries secrets and pain for so, so many of us. The moments in yesterday’s hearings that made me cry were the moments when I saw Christine Blasey Ford receive the praise of Corey Booker and Kamala Harris and other Democratic senators. I saw her weep when they called her a hero and cited the thousands of women who felt more visible and more courageous because of her courage. The weight of that burden was visible on her face, and I wept for her and for MK and for every woman who has had to be strong like that, only to then be silenced and doubted. If you are in need of help, please seek it out. Toll free hotlines are there for you, and the ones you love are, too.
The Blue Bench: 1-888-394-0031
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
Original post for 9/27/18
“I see you, I believe you, and I don’t need to know anything about you to know that you don’t have anything to gain by telling that story.” If you are watching the hearings on Capitol Hill right now, remember that it is okay to prioritize your self care. You are strong. Admitting that today is a hard, hard day doesn’t make you weak. My coach says it best, so I am going to let her take it from here.