I just want to.

This is running at its best, for me. It is the thing that I don’t really even need to think about that hard because I just want to do it, so I do. At a time in my life when I feel somewhat less than free to prioritize myself over the needs of my family, particularly my three-year-old who still needs the kind of constant parenting that takes over one’s life, I spend most of my parenting chits on running because it is what I want to do. A long run with my coach tomorrow morning at 5 AM is my spa day.

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Achieving autopilot

I settled on running as my physical activity of choice because there were no external barriers to doing it, and therefore I felt it was more likely than any other form of fitness-seeking to actually stick. No driving to the gym required, no equipment, no other people, just shoes and the outdoors. By the same token, I would have no one to blame but myself if I stopped doing it. I feared losing the will to continue as I grappled with the reality of being a total beginner as a runner. Physically, every run was a minute-by-minute struggle against the desire to STOP ALREADY. Mentally, I spent years fearing that that willpower would give way to laziness, to me the deadliest of the sins (did I read too much Ayn Rand in high school? Maybe!). 

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